Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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