Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
ugly people sure do ruin things
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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