he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I queefed so loud it echoed.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
