I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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