Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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