I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
