my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
