a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Randomize
