At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Randomize
