"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I am available for nakedness
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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