i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
