can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize