No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
