is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
The Olympian is in my bed
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Randomize
