I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Cover your peen. We're going out.
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