So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Randomize
