It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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