well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
