no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
