is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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