After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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