no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
