this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
