Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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