Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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