Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
