My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
