i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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