Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
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