Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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