I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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