Whatcha textin bout Willis?
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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