I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
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