Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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