I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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