Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
