i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
