I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
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