Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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