Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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