If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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