What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I could make wine with my vomit
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
