hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Apparently you make a good broom.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Randomize