Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
