Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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