Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
