dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
