Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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