She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
