I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize