drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
