Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Randomize
