I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
There was a lot of him and a little penis
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize
