he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
