My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
