imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
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