D3 body, D1 cock
thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Im part way to drunk.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
