My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize