where am i from again
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
