I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
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