Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
