do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
