I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
